Do you ever wonder “Is that what I’m supposed to be doing with my life?” I don’t mean do you wonder if I’m doing what I should be, ’cause I’m doing enough of that on my own. What I mean is, do you wonder if you are doing what you should be.
Have I confused you yet?
I’ve been wondering, am I doing what I should be? I mean, I’m raising two wonderful children. I know, I know, child rearing is THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE UNIVERSE!(tm). At least, that’s what I tell my other SAHM friends. We are home, where the important stuff is happening, the next generation being formed, our husbands are just off earning $ to enable us to raise the FUTURE OF ALL HUMANITY!
Yeah.
I have a college degree, that I’m still paying for. I am (or at least used to be) an intelligent person. I have all this G-d given talent and ability, and I’m spending my days building block towers and serving up lunches and sweeping up cheerios and doing eleventy-nine loads of laundry a day.
Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Shouldn’t I be saving the world? From what, I dunno. Pick a tragedy, there sure seem to be enough of them these days.
I feel adrift, and I guess what I’m asking is this: Am I alone?
July 2nd, 2010 at 8:24 pm
You are young. You have plenty of time to go back to work, start a business, study philosophy, or whatever it is that you think you want to do. You have time to think about and decide what it is you eventually want to do. What you don’t have are children that stay small. In a very short time, you will have children that are in school, that have their own lives and schedules and friends and don’t need you so much anymore. Seems hard to believe now, but it will come faster than you can ever imagine.
For now, cherish every single moment of every single day, because 10 years from now, it will ALL BE DIFFERENT. Be grateful that you CAN stay home with them right now. It is not that others can’t also do a great job of nurturing them and helping them grow, it is that you WANT to be there for those moments, that it is important to YOU to be there. There’s nothing wrong with finding a good sitter and making more time for yourself to BE yourself. Just don’t make any sweeping changes based on a momentary sense of ennui.
You can have it all. Just not necessarily all at the same time.
July 7th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
nope, definitely not alone. I have a lot of days where I’m wondering what i’m doing….but Nancy above has a good point. They’re only little for a little while (i’m telling myself this, while I’m pregnant with the third one. it dosen’t always help). I remind myself that I DO have long term plans, to use my education, to make the world a better place. And in the short term, I can make the world better by small actions, even if it’s just wiping a poopy butt (seriously, I’m considering volunteering as a way to keep my sanity. If i can only think of something i can do while caring for the preschooler, toddler and baby):D
July 14th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Hi, I have never written before but I read often. I am your hubbys kind of cousin. My kids are 13, 11, 11, and 8. I stayed at home till my youngest went to school. As noble as being home for your kids seems, it often is not enough for you. I struggled with this then and began to realize small things change everyones world. I was one of the few stay at home moms in my poor neighbourhood, I provided snacks and meals and the ocassional bath to the kids that hung around our yard full of toys. I walked to the grocery and bought extra fruit to give to the homeless man on the corner. I dropped off the chocolates and cards for the shut ins from our church, and the christmas hampers for the needy families. I wrote letters to my grandma and other adopted grandparents who still appreciated a hand written note. I baked extra for the church bazaar. I knitted socks and toques for the shelter and dropped them off. I did these things with my kids, and when they were old enough explained why we did these things (harsh truth). I have very little time to do these things now that my hubby and I run our own business, but every once in a while I meet one of the people who I helped, just a little and if that made their lives just a little better than it was worth it for my sanity.
Dont measure your life by what you didnt do, only what you doing.
Sandra